The Hanham Horror  - 21st April 2019


Race review by A. Fatty


The short version of this race review is: I thought the Hanham Horror was most lovely. A longer version is below.

I enjoyed a moment of smug satisfaction last year by running a marathon in my target sub-4 hours, so much so that I privately dubbed 2018 as ‘Year Of The Marathon’ (until now, only my cat knew this). I have so far dubbed 2019 as ‘Year Of Multi-pack Melton Mowbray Pork Pies’. Running feels a bit of a faff at the moment and my weekly distance has dropped from about 40 miles to about 8 miles. My mojo isn’t quite lost but it’s very distracted and keeps looking at other things. Running is consequently hard now, partly due to lack of training but mostly due to the extra ass-weight I appear to be carrying. Attempts to address this by regularly attending circuit training classes & gym sessions have left me with a core which feels like a sturdy tree trunk, but one which is wrapped with a layer of something that resembles blancmange.

My expertly-conceived fix to my recently found girth is to enter lots of races and the first one was: The Hanham Horror. I’ve been meaning to do it for years; it apparently has hills, steps, mud, rivers, isn’t especially long at just under 6 miles and is only a few miles away from home. Other than the fact that it’s organised by our arch frenemies Bitton Trotters it sounded just about perfect.

I’m an early person. I was made that way and haven’t been late since about 1986. This gives me ample opportunity on race days to mooch about and have a good nose at stuff and I was among the first 10 cars (ok, I was 3rd) in the official race car park which was small but perfectly formed with enough space for about 60 cars – all clearly marked and on tarmac (unlike some other ridiculous local races which have in the past used fields as car park, duh). The walk to race HQ took about 5 minutes and was along one straight road and even I, with my directionally challenged ways, was able to follow the advice to ‘walk down there, fella’ from the car park marshals and didn’t get lost. The destination was The Swan pub which was hosting race HQ for the day.

Race HQ was also small and perfectly formed. It had race number collection, teas and coffees and bacon sandwiches inside the pub, and toilets, a bag store, a cake stand, a leg rubbing station and general loitering area outside in the pub car park. My attention was naturally drawn towards the sausage rolls and pasties which occupied the centre-front position on the cake table, my mission to clear the county of fatty, salty pastry-covered delights was apparently not yet complete. The cakes looked like they’d been made with love; there were no supermarket economy tarts here.

There were plenty of familiar faces from BRR at race HQ, mostly sporting hi-vis tops and their freshly ironed summer gear to face the unusually hot Easter Sunday which saw temperatures of 25 degrees C  later in the day. Herein lies an unusual thing about The Hanham Horror 2019: I understand that it’s usually a challenging trail race around the muddy, slippery river banks and trails in Hanham but the weeks leading up to race day haven’t seen much rain and the course was completely dry, quite dusty in fact.
Ex Bitton Road Runners defector and more recently EGRC defector Allison was armed with bag labels and pens at the bag store and didn’t look too disappointed in me when I went back to get my bag 3 minutes after dropping it off because I forgot something. 
     
A very brief chat with Race Director Katie revealed that all was looking good despite the news of an illegal Rave that had popped up close to the route overnight. I later looked for The Rave and saw about 6 dishevelled looking people (to be fair I saw them from a fair height and distance but they probably were dishevelled) mooching about in the bushes next to a sound system which had apparently been going since 2am. They seemed happy.
 
The start line was a 5 minute walk from race HQ and runners were guided to a nearby field by a handful of hi-vis helpers.
 
I don’t have a running watch at the moment, or rather I do have one but the charger cable isn’t in my man cupboard so it could be absolutely anywhere: the shed, garage, car, loft, fridge, most parts of  Europe etc. So, I can safely say that race probably started at around 11am-ish, it didn’t feel much later or earlier anyway. A short briefing and very polite ‘3-2-1 go’ from RD Katie started the race and off we sprinted / trotted / wobbled along a nice easy road section followed by a sensible downhill jog to the river. After that, much of the course was like a rollercoaster ride – up and down river banks, trails, slopes and steps… soooo many steps. There was a long flat bit alongside the river for a mile or so but other than that, the theme of the race was that special word that has become popularised by the running community this past few years: ‘undulating’.
And It Was Hot! The water station at about 3.5ish miles was a welcome sight and it was good to see non-plastic cups in use. I say ‘3.5ish’ as there were, unusually, no distance markers on the course. This wasn’t particularly bothersome but combined with my lack of running watch, I had no idea where I was, how far I’d gone or for how long. After the water station it was onwards and upwards (and downwards and upwards and upwards).
There were about 60 marshals at the Hanham Horror – which is a lot for a race which is barely 6 miles in distance. The route is quite fiddly with lots of forks in the path and twists and turns and a cheerful marshal was placed at each such twist & turn to shout out something useful. Or not… about 45 of them assured me that it’s ‘all downhill from here’. About 44 of them were wrong.
     
     
Do you know Terry? Terry is the most extroverted person I know and was one of the excellent race marshals at The Hanham Horror. Terry is a very remarkable ball of verbal and physical energy; silence and not moving have no place in Terry’s world. As an introvert, I like the idea of silently finding him really annoying but I can’t; he’s funny, always has something nice to say and is altogether a thoroughly lovely (but fking noisy) chap. Terry was clearly fuelled by the news of the Illegal Rave and was making some shapes to the sound of his boom box at a beat never danced to before; 180 beats per minute seemed familiar territory for Terry. Terry is also probably the only person I know who can wear a gold chain, chest hair and nothing else under a hi-vis top and get away with it.
 
Somewhere towards the end of the race, there was a near-cliff to scale. In order to vaguely assist, a rope was dangled to use to pull yourself up. For the first few metres, the rope was shunned as an amusing novelty by all but became strangely taut about half way up as 10 or so ‘runners’ were hanging on against the laws of gravity to scrabble, climb and crawl to the top. I can imagine that it would have been differently interesting in muddy conditions.
EGRC member Ruth & Dave The Dog were at the top of the cliff shouting encouragement (thanks Ruth) and, of course, a few more marshals assured me that ‘it’s all downhill from now (mate)’.



 
The finishing straight saw a good crowd of people cheering runners in, mostly made up of people who finished more quickly than me plus a few of their friends and family who had dragged out on Easter Sunday. Medals of a nightmare-inducing rabbit were given out as you crossed the line and bottles of water were available a few metres after. The positions and times were quietly noted by someone and cleverly appeared on the web site shortly afterwards.
 

I couldn’t stick around for long at the end and didn’t see the presentations ceremony but I’m sure it was very nice. There were 9 present from EGRC finishing in times ranging from 47:50 to 1:45:39 – well done to all who finished this tricky race in very warm conditions. First finisher overall with a time of 38:07 was Female V40 Nicola Brookland from Bristol & West, followed about 30 seconds later, presumably in a cloud of dust, by Senior Male Robert Farley from Bitton Road Runners.
All in all I loved the Hanham Horror. It was friendly, tough, fun, very well organised and had a Terry. I’d definitely do it again (to see what the cliff is like in the mud). Top marks to BRR for a great race.