Running as a way of Coping with Cancer

At the end of July 2017 I ran in the Torbay Half. 5 days later I was diagnosed with breast cancer. After the ultrasound and biopsies I must have been in shock as apparently my first question was “Will I be able to run Cardiff in October?” Of course the answer was NO.

BUT I did carry on running as much as I could and I know that it helped me cope with the fear and uncertainty that comes with a cancer diagnosis and treatment.

As soon as the biopsy scars had settled I ran ... and ran and ran (and had a bit of cry on the way) until I’d processed the news properly. Then came the wait for biopsy results and then the wait for surgery - and every time I had a day where I was terrified of what was to come I went for a run. Somehow running helped me go from “I’m going to die” to “I’m going to get through this” over the course of a few miles.

After surgery having a goal of getting back to running gave me something positive to focus on and work towards. 4 weeks after the op I began with a very, very gentle 10 min old lady shuffle along the cycle track - and it felt SO good to be back in my running kit!  I was very lucky that the cancer was caught early and had not spread to my lymph nodes which meant that I didn’t need chemo. So the next step, 6 weeks after surgery, was 3 weeks of daily sessions of radiotherapy. Every day involved travel to and from the oncology centre at the BRI, endless waiting before being blasted with photon beams (which kill off any lurking cancer cells but left my skin too sore to run as much as I wanted to).  It was during one these long waits that I decided to see if I could get a charity place for London. I’d done several half marathons but I’d never been confident enough to think I could take on a full one. I needed a challenge, something to stop me feeling like a patient!

I was in my final week of treatment at the end of October when I had a call from MacMillan offering me a place.  The training over that winter was hard going at times - I remember doing a 20 mile run in the snow and stopping to cry because my feet were SO cold. But then I remembered a particularly horrible bit of my treatment and reminded myself if I could get through that I could get through a little run in the snow! I also thought about the money I was raising for people who weren’t as lucky as me and that I had pledged to run in memory or celebration of all the friends and family members affected by cancer.

London was amazing - I absolutely loved every minute of it. I ran with several other MacMillan runners - and the support was incredible. When I crossed that finish line - my first marathon at the age of 51, less than 6 months out of treatment, having raised £4500 I burst into tears but felt like I could take on the world!

Since then I’ve been ticking off my bucket list. Yes it’s something you hear frequently but facing my own mortality really did change my outlook on life. I regret not travelling more when I was young - So in the spirit of “F**k the savings” I have run in Cuba (which has been top of my bucket list for about 30 years. I had the most incredible trip with my daughter). I have run on a treadmill, on a boat whilst sailing into the Arctic Circle to see the Northern lights. I have run in Iceland, Estonia, Barcelona, Berlin and New York. I am celebrating being alive with every run. Even on the cycle track on a cold, wet day I (mostly) appreciate how lucky I am to be able to run when so many other people can’t.

And on the days where I go a little bit mad with worrying that the cancer has come back - I run! I run because it reminds me that for today I AM still alive (Although when I saw the grim reaper at the top of that hill at DHHM I doubted that for a moment!!)

If it hadn’t been for the cancer I don’t think I would have ever had the confidence to do a marathon, or travel round Cuba with my daughter, or run in international races or even join this running club. I am so glad that I did.